Friday, February 29, 2008

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Creepy Doll!

I've been listening to a lot of Jonathan Coulton lately. This is definitely one of my favorite, and it really fits in with the scary movie theme of the morning.

go here to grab Creepy Doll. If you like it remember, you can buy it, or more songs, or just donate to Jonathan. I try not to shill too often, but I totally support the business model that he is using, and obviously I support the god-of-rock like talents of Jonathan Coulton.

Thanks to Veronica Belmont for the Pownce reminder about this song!

So go, grab, listen!

For the Horde!...

FGFC: The Manitou

So this could be interesting. As you know it is time once again for the Final Girl Film Club. This time it is “The Manitou” a movie that I was a little nervous about going in, but as you'll see in a minute that was all unfounded nervousness!

Normally I am able to keep some sort of order when talking about movies. That is because generally I write while watching. I have the memory of an etch-a-sketch, things leave quickly and if they remain they may not be exactly in order. Case in point I've been searching for the DVD of “The Manitou” for two days now. That sucker is gone, I suspect foul play of some sort...

I shall dub this Fuzzy Memory Theater-eater-eater...

The Basics
Karen (Susan Strasburg) has recently become afflicted with some sort of strange growth on her back. By growth I of course mean that she has started growing an evil medicine man on her back. She really would like to get rid of it (naturally). The medicine man however doesn't really want to go anywhere just yet. He conveys this by causing all kinds of fun havoc whenever an attempt is made to remove him. A Dr. cuts himself with a scalpel, and laser goes apeshit nutso, you know fun stuff like that.

Of course Karen didn't realize on her own that the growth was an evil medicine man, not even the baffled doctors could figure that one out on their own. The footwork was left up to close friend (ahem) of Karen and sham tarot card reading, robe wearing fake mustache sporting Harry (Tony Curtis). After an unfortunate (but AWESOME) incident with a client Harry realizes things really are serious. He enlists the help of a friend and fellow psychic type named Amelia (Stella Stevens), and Amelia's husband MacArthur (Hugh Corcoran). They attempt a Séance with ...mixed results. They still needed more answers, so a book lead them to search out and speak with Dr. Snow (Burgess Meredith). Dr. Snow may be an authority on the subject, he may have a vast collection of ancient Indian artifacts books and information, he may have written books on it himself, but really he doesn't seem to believe in all of this jibber jabber. Still he does pass along some helpful knowledge "eat lightning and crap thunder!”* based on their description.

Once they realize that it is not a tumor they are dealing with but an ancient Indian medicine man they realize that the only way to fight back is with some Indian magic of their own. That of course will require them to find a real life Indian to help them out. Queue John Singing Rock (Michael Ansara) who eventually agrees to help Harry out, for a price. John sheds some more light on the history of the medicine man and his resurrecting ways. He also teaches them about “The Manitou.” John attempts to use his magics to fight the medicine man before he is “born,” this of course angers the little guy.

Once the MM is born from Karen's back we find out that not only is he powerful but he is also pint sized. John has created a circle of power to trap the MM but it won't hold forever. It didn't, once the MM escapes he freezes the entire floor of the hospital, including a nurse! After an incident with an exploding typewriter we learn that even computer have manitou, souls, the power of these can be used to fight the MM. Unfortunately this would be “white man” magic and thus John Singing Rock is unable to call upon the power. Harry on the other hand is able to man up and call up the power! When he does all of the computers and gadgets lend the power of their souls in to help the fight. They do this by imbuing the now naked Karen with magical hand lasers. This leads to the naked Karen and the MM competing against each other in what I can only describe as a psychedelically charged game of Asteroids to the death!

Once the little fella is vanquished (for now) that is pretty much that. Karen is better, and happy with Harry. John Singing Rock is a little bit less racist against the white man, especially after Harry pays him his tobacco (and presumably is going to also honor the promise of cash) and I life goes on.

Honestly my first thought as the credits rolled was very simply “Holy crap that was freaking awesome!” Ok so in my head “crap” was replaced by “shit” and “freaking” by “fucking” but I keep things clean around here dammit so I can't say such things**...Anyway I really don't know where to begin. What didn't the movie have? I mean Indian magic, an all powerful midget, Tony Curtis playing dress up (I've been watching “Some Like it Hot” quite a bit lately so seeing him dressed up as a man was a nice change). Hell the movie even had an exploding typewriter.

To me it was really a lot like stepping onto a roller coaster of awesome. A great movie that doesn't bog you down with the drudgery of logic and believability. OK so not believable to us the viewer, but the important thing was it WAS believable to the character. Thats why it worked I think, they played it off just so cheerily right!

I don't know what else I can say, I just really had a great time with this one. Writer/director William Girdler, good on ya!

Notes I made while watching
Crap that fall was brutal...brutally awesome!***

If John didn't want “Mr. White Man's pleas” why exactly did pleading with work?

What good is a magical circle of holding if someone is just inevitable going to break the thing anyway?

Why they put Tony Curtis in that shirt that not only showcased his rack, but also his unfortunately rigid nipples?

What kind of jackass takes a little nap while he is supposed to be watching a magical and evil 400 year old medicine man who has just recently sprang whole from a tumor on a woman's back?

Did Harry really only pay John with 2 packets of tobacco? What was he going for the cheap bastard award or something?

* - wrong movie sorry, my bad.
** - this better help bump my blog up to an NC-17 rating or I'll kick, punch, and bloody that damn rating site!
*** - I overuse the word awesome, I'm sorry...

Monday, February 25, 2008

Mahalo Daily presents: The Oscars in 60 seconds

While I sort through the vast wasteland the I utilize as a brain for any vague remnant memories of "The Manitou" to put down I thought I'd share something else good with you.

Still Alive !

OK, so right now I should be just finishing up writing my thoughts on "The Manitou." That was the plan, unfortunately I find the damn disc! I have watched it once already, but I like to have a refresher when I write, plus no disc means no screencaps, and I think we can all agree that I do love to overdo it a bit with the screncaps, no?

So instead of writing right now what am I doing? Why watching this awesome video of course.

Jonathan Coulton performs "Still Alive" in Rock Band from Joy Stiq on Vimeo.

See, awesome wasn't it? Sadly it also reminds me of how much I really want Rock Band, but just can't justify burning that much cash on a game. If only I hadn't of burned the hundred on the playable, but ultimately disappointing GHIII (though the Wireless Gibson does rock pretty hard).

OK, back to scouring the room for the missing DVD. If I can't find it Netflix is gonna be wicked pissed.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I'm just sayin...

So this “classic” review actually shows more about how my taste in stand-up comedy has changed between 2002 and now. Back in '02 I was sort of stuck with whatever was playing on various cable networks and whatever I could dig up in the local CD stores. I didn't know of any local comedy rooms, I'd never been to Harvey's (I just found out that they have a show on the CW in Portland Saturdays at 1am. Awesome!), and the Internet wasn't quite yet at the point that it is now. There was no MySpace, no Facebook, Friendster was around but new (and honestly I never used it). So discovering comedians that way wasn't available. There was no YouTube, which of course meant that the big online video scene hadn't happened yet so that means no Effin' Funny and the like. Podcasts weren't around so again there is a no go. My point? I was really excited and intrigued by the stand-up as a feature length film experience. Also I was starved for different styles of comedy.

Little side note; in a bit of happy coincidence this particular retro post coincides a bit with something really cool I found out today. Comedy related-wise. Apparently in early March Portland is going to be getting it's own comedy festival! The Bridgetown Comedy Festival. Not only awesome for comedy, but also because it is helping to raise some dough for the Oregon Red Cross. Now I can't tell you how jealous it made me when I read about the show itself, it is maddening that I'm stuck across the country unable to attend! And then I made a real mistake, I checked out the list of performers. Seriously there are a lot of quality performers going to the show. Eddie Pepitone, Tig Notaro, Matt Braunger, Natasha Leggero, Michelle Biloon, and Morgan Murphy are the names on the list that were I able to attend I would make sure beyond doubt to try and see perform. I'll be honest, I'd kill to see Tig and Morgan Murphy perform live (so if you go see their shows you can probably get a good idea of where my head is at comedically)!

Man, missing that show is going to make me more bummed out than I was that time that James Woods stole my identity...

So onto the old crap!

08/03/2002 01:26:00

abridged movie review/opinion

I didn't do this earlier, well because I had things to do so anyway here is my pseudo review of Martin Lawrence Live: Run Tel Dat
First off I'll say if you go see this movie, when you get to the ticket counter just say 1 ticket (or however many you want) for Martin Lawrence. I made the mistake of saying 1 ticket for Run Tel dat please, and the cute ticket girl had NO IDEA what I had just said so after a repeat of the title I said the Martin Lawrence movie. We both had a laugh at it, her it may have been genuinely funny me nervous embarrassment as usual.

Now onto the movie first things first, this is basically his Stand up act on the big screen, but there is a small film about 10 minutes or so that starts it. The film recaps Martins life basically with the focus on the problems he has had, some good stuff here and actually some sincere words mixed in with some jokes.
Now onto the stand up, I make no secret that I very much love a good stand up concert and ol Marty Mart didn't disappoint me here some good stuff some great stuff and for me only a few instances where he wasn't completely funny. By the way the parts where it wasn't greatly funny to me it seemed like they were planned in there to give you a break, there were literally times during the movie where laughter was robbing me of precious oxygen.
Compared to You So Crazy I would probably say on the whole You So Crazy is the better show, but with stand up you also have to look at how topical it is, and newer may not mean better, but variety does equal better so having 2 or 3 solid shows available is a good move I feel.
All in all I would say this movie was worth my time and money. On a side note I wish a few more comedians would take the Original Kings of Comedy & Martin Lawrence route and do a near 2 hour set for the big screen, or have a couple team up like in the kings, a few of the people I think could pull it off are George Carlin (of course), Denis Leary, Chris Rock, possibly a combo with Jeff Foxworthy/Bill Engvall, and I could even see Howie Mandel pulling off at leas partial duty in a big screen stand up trial. Anyway that's enough of my mindless ramblings for the night... or more accurately morning so I'm outta here for now.

“Martin Lawrence: Run Tel Dat”: So not all that long ago I actually caught most of this on cable and to tell you the truth, I was really bored. A few decent jokes aside the majority of the show just wasn't up to snuff, the lows of the valleys were just too vast for the peaks to make a dent which is really sad. I still believe that “You So Crazy” holds up and the TV show “Martin” I'll still hold that in quite high regards, but “Run Tel Dat” I think it was just the novelty of the venue at the time that kept my interest so high. The material just didn't speak to me at all. Now to be fair and in the spirit of the rest of this post about comedians I will say that Martin definitely still had his stage presence and timing honed. He definitely can hold a stage without a problem, but this particular set just didn't do it for me...Sorry Martin.

Another side note, I don't know if you noticed it or not but I totally called the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour” in my old post up there. Well half it it anyway, at the time I didn't know who Larry the Cable Guy or Ron White were....I'm just sayin' a piece of the action would have been nice.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

some Tuesday for Wednesday

2002 is a palindrome....

Ahh, more 2002 this could be fun (yeah right). So July of '02, what was up back then? Well I was 21, to a lot of people that is an important age because alcohol finally becomes legally available to you. Strangely 21 didn't hold that significance for me, I'm one of those weird freaks in the world that doesn't drink. Not a drop. To me 21 was the age of legal gambling, oh how I love those dirty dirty slots...moving on

Other things to note of 2002. I was smack dab in the middle of my time at ITT Tech. Thanks to ITT I was waking up somewhere between 4:30 and 5AM most days of the week. I am not what you would call a morning person so my breakfasts usually revolved around a Pepsi followed by a redbull, I never could get down with coffee. I lived within walking distance of at least 3 movie theaters. I was just starting to move to Linux as my may OS of choice. I was reading a (sometimes confusing) mixture of Anne Rice and Douglas Adams, and I was getting geared up for a TV show that I just knew would be completely awesome and long lasting. A little show called "Firefly." Also I was apparently blogging...poorly (as opposed to what I'm doing now?)

So now we pick back up in 2002 where we left off last time...

07/26/2002 23:50:00
what a week(slightly edited to take out boring geek related babble)

Last night I went to an advanced screening of Austin Powers Goldmember, (is one day early advanced?) I thought it was Hilarious, and would love to see more from these character, I would however say in any further installments maybe just have Meyers do his main 3 characters. All in all I think part 2 is still my fav but it's a 2 way tie for second place.

On the Netflix front I've gone through a few more, first off "Men Cry Bullets" I cannot remember then names of the main stars but Jeri Ryan has a decent sized role in this movie. This is definitely not a movie for everyone it's pretty crazy, has a very big independent film vibe to it. I would not buy it again, but if it were on cable at 3 am and I had insomnia I would probably give it a watch. Also I rented one called "Colins Sleazy Friends" it's like a dvd of a cable show, must be either HBO/showtime type or public access, anyway the guy interview main stream stars and a lot of adult film stars, once again here I can see 3 am value but not something I really wanted to see at 1 in the afternoon.

"Austin Powers: Goldmember": Hilarious? Hmmm, nah I don't feel that way anymore. Humorous? Sure. I was right on the nose as far as Meyers stretching himself just a tad thin though, the character of Goldmember was good for maybe 2 minutes but after that it was eh. I did however really enjoy Michael Caine as Nigel Powers, he played the part with just enough ridiculousness to pull it off. I think I've also rolled over on my declaration of the second movie being my favorite. I just find the first one infinitely more quotable these days.

"Men Cry Bullets": Man, I'd completely forgotten about this movie. As a matter of fact just reading through the synopsis on Netflix right now nothing at all other than Jeri Ryan rings a bell. That may speak more about my attention span and memory (or lack thereof) than the movie itself. Somehow it ended up with 4 stars on my Netflix rating, which means I have to rerent it so I can see what the real rating should be.

"Colin's Sleazy Friends": Yeah I'm vetoing the 3am appeal of this flick. There are just way too many better comedy alternatives out there these days to waste your time on this thing. Sadly where I can't remember "Men Cry Bullets" I do remember "Colin's Sleazy Friends" and what I do remember I wish that I could forget...My suggestion? Pick up one of the "Comedians of Comedy" DVD's instead.

Monday, February 18, 2008


Wow, so I recently realized that my old old blog was still up somewhere (hidden in the depths of the Internet) and for some reason or the other I decided that it may be a good idea to make an archive. Then I realized that I should maybe read some of the stuff I had to say back then. A painful endeavor to say the least. I kept having to ask myself “Was I really that young and stupid?” For the record that was a rhetorical question, sadly I know what the answer is...

There was a slight highlight to the reading, I was able to recover the birth of the Askewed Reviews! They are, well... some of them are blaring reminder of just how different a viewer I was back then. I guess the plus side is they show me that in the past six or so years I have evolved, grown in some way or the other, learned to appreciate new things, shed some bad habits, grown...or something like that.

So I've asked Mr. Peabody and Sherman to set up the Wayback Machine so we can take a journey and I can attempt to see what the hell was up with my brain back then.

06/29/2002 18:51:00
Abridged movie review
Mr. Deeds
Starring: Adam Sandler, Wynona Ryder.
Review: Much funnier than anticipated, worth the price of admission for any Sandler fan.
that is all

Wow, I wasn't screwing around when I named the “Abridged Reviews” was I? That is barely a sentence. This is an instance where I still feel close to the same about this movie as I did back then. Based on the low expectations I had at the time the flick was good. By my standards today it is an OK flick. OK meaning when you hold it up against other Sandler flicks of the same type it is just average.

07/06/2002 18:18:00
Abridged movie review time
brought to you as always by Netfix ... kinda.

First up Pootie Tang What can I say but sa-da-tay ... sa-da-tay. ok so the movie was not the most intelligent movie nor did it have the best script ever written. But... it's not supposed to , it's supposed to be a fun movie and it succeeds at being that, great cast, good jokes, and a unique enough idea make this worth throwing onto your Netflix list somewhere in the middle just to break up your viewing habbits.

Next up Zoolander I resisted seeing this movie when it first came out because it frightened me to my very soul, but since I was pretty much the only person in class who hadn't come over to the dark side I decided to give it a shot. It's not bad, like Pootie this is not the most well written movie out there, I would say this one has a higher budget and is probably my favorite out of the two. Of course the extras in this movie were pretty top notch as well, deleted scenes, extended scenes, and my favorite outtakes (you gotta love improvised scene outtakes).

and since I didn't say anything I will talk a bit about A Beautiful Mind I Love this movie, it's very well written, directed greatly, and the actors were just fantastic. I don't pretend to know a lot about John Nash but I will say there were some liberties taken with his story for the sake of the movie, but the heart of it is still there and that is good. The bonus disc was okay.. not the greatest from my feeling but there were a couple things I really liked on it, Ron Howard getting a lesson from the real Nash being the best probably, also I liked the little feature on casting the main roles.

All in all I would say A Beautiful Mind should be a must see on anyone who enjoys a good movies list. Zoolander, and Pootie Tang are decent breaks from the normal grind of things but I would definitely put both of these as nothing more than rent, whereas I would say A Beautiful Mind is a buyer.

Hmm ok in order

“Pootie Tang”: Yeah, I really wish that I had been on some kind of drugs or booze for this one but sadly it was just me back then. My bad. Somehow I have a feeling I would have trouble sitting through the entire movie these days. I wish I could be more lenient on it than I am if only because of the respect I have for Louis CK, but I just can't.

“Zoolander”: Shockingly I still enjoy this movie for what it is. Though I'm sure I would feel a lot differently if it wasn't for my time at ITT and all of the quoting that came from it, I'm calling the nostalgia card on this one. Plus Will Ferrell as Mugatu still cracks me up (and I wish I could figure out why!). The movie makes me feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

“A Beautiful Mind”: I really was in love with this movie when I first saw it. It has been so long since I've seen it I hesitate to say if I still would feel the same now. Between then and now I've definitely expanded my film horizons so it very well could be that my feelings wouldn't be as strong anymore. Though I'm not at all embarrassed about my initial reaction to this one back then (not like I was over the “Pootie Tang” debacle...damn you Pootie Tang, damn you).

07/16/2002 19:51:00
abridged movie review time
Reign of Fire,
that will be all

See that? I totally busted out a one word review. Awesome!
However I'm sure what I really meant to say was “What this movie lacks in substance it nearly makes up for in visual style.” Yeah something like that.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Showtime Beyond just reminded me

about how much I Love this scene from "Evil Dead 2"

Funny in an absurd way, but also quite disturbing. Much like the entire movie!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Where my head was at on 09/13/2002

#! /bin/bash
echo -n "What rocks the world? "
read guess
if test $word = $guess
echo "Damn right Linux rocks the world"
echo "try again bubba"
# note file name should be "wordgame"


#! /bin/bash
echo -n "What is the fathers name? "
read father
echo -n "What is the mothers name? "
read mother
echo -n "What is name of the baby? "
read baby
echo -n "What is the date of birth? "
read date
echo -n "What is the birth weight? "
read weight
echo -n "What is the gender? "
read gender
echo " We would like to congratulate Mr. $father, and Mrs. $mother, on the birth of their newborn baby $gender, $baby was born on $date weighing in at an awesome $weight"